3 Simple Tips to Get More Alone Time

Are you struggling for any time to yourself?

Lots of toddler mums tell me they have no breathing space and feel like they’re literally being suffocated by their kids. 

We’ve all been climbed on by our kids, feeling like they have zero concept of our personal space. 

We’ve all had “mum, mum, mum” chanted at us all day, until it feels like their voices are inside our brains, causing us to explode with impatience. 

I know you feel like you never get enough time for yourself and that everything you used to do for you is now bottom of the list (if it’s on the list at all). 

I’ve got two strategies for creating more alone time, and a bonus brain exercise to get you what you want even when it’s not what you want...

Ask for help

Have you actually asked for any help recently? If you haven’t read my post on mum guilt, it’s the perfect complement to this post too. 

Last year, my daughter’s dad would take care of evening routine on Tuesdays, and I used to find myself “hanging around”, clearing dishes, offering to run the bath, etc. I didn’t get a break and may as well have been an active participant in the night. 

One day I said, “I’m going to leave at 5 and come back at 6.30.” He was fine with that, and now I feel zero guilt with stepping away, running some errands, or doing an online Pilates class. The boundary was set, but it wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t have asked for it. And with most alone time, once I took it, I realised what a difference it made in my day.

What change do you want to ask for from your family this week?

Remove the guilt

I, and many of my clients are still working on this. It is totally acceptable to want alone time even when your kids are around. There’s no point white knuckling it until bedtime. Often when we do this we end up losing our temper during the day or landing on the couch in exhaustion with wine and dessert once they’re in bed.

Quiet play, screentime, the kids playing outside while you read your book, whatever works, whatever you need to do, you can do it.

I’d recommend scheduling it in every single day at a time you find yourself most challenged. 

Try this for a week to see how your mood changes and to realise your kids will adjust and won’t be scarred for life by you recharging for 15 minutes.

Realise it’s only your brain

I need to tell you that all of these feelings I talked about above are totally up to you because they are caused by your thoughts.

Your brain doesn’t actually know if feelings like “spacious” and “calm” are real or not. Crazy right? It just believes things by the way you make your own body feel. 

So if you practice those feelings even while you’re around your family, your life is going to completely change with or without these strategies going ahead.

See what thoughts will make you feel “alone”. Sometimes I stand in the kitchen drinking coffee while my daughter builds a tower, and I realise that is also alone time, without me having to do anything.

Can you generate that feeling in your day this week too? 

Alone time is an imperative part of being a human. Ask for help - it does a disservice to those around you if you don’t trust them enough to let you recharge. Ask your kids to give you alone time, and absorb those “alone” moments you feel even when you’re around a bustling house. 

If you want more help with planning in alone time, you can download my daily planning system here.