Mum Guilt (and what to do about it)
I’ve been having less sleep the last couple of weeks since I took my daughter’s dummy (aka pacifier) away at night. I’ve really noticed myself being more impatient, feeling quite sorry for myself and then, when she goes to sleep at night, I look at her and feel super guilty. It’s not her fault I introduced the dummy, then took it away. I feel like I shouldn’t let my mood make me less patient and loving towards her.
Hello Mum guilt!
I find it such a shame that mums feel so guilty about their parenting, but clearly I feel it too.
I was laughing / berating myself in the same breath the other day thinking about this topic and realising I even feel guilty about my cat! He used to get so much more love and attention from me pre-kids and now I feel like I just do the bare minimum. He’s well known for meowing for my attention just after I put my daughter to sleep and then I’m like “What do you want from me?!” Poor Pickles.
So why do we feel guilty? Where’s the compassion for all we’re doing? Let’s have a look at why and then try something new.
Why do we feel so guilty?
Mums tell me all the time how guilty they feel.
Guilty for how much they put their kids in childcare, guilty for giving them screentime so they can have a break, guilty for not loving every single second of motherhood. I mean, I have felt all these too.
The reason we feel so guilty is because our brains are wired to look for the negative. Up to 80% of our thoughts are negative so it’s no wonder that it flows over into our thoughts about parenting.
If you feel guilty, your brain is just doing it’s job. Don’t panic.
But if we’re not enjoying the guilt, how can we start to change it?
What you can do instead
Most of my clients spend little to no time thinking about what a good job they’re doing as a parent.
Can you imagine telling everyone what an amazing parent you are and all the things you do for your kids? People would probably look at you like you’re a weirdo right?
I think our society really struggles with self love and I sure didn’t take the self love class at school. In fact when I was at school we would call people “up themselves” if they seemed too confident in themselves.
But having a great relationship with yourself and your kids, and getting rid of the guilt, is only going to happen if you start focusing your brain on the things you’re doing right and what an amazing mum you are.
Say it out loud. I am an amazing parent.
An exercise for you
I’ve got a few exercises you can do to get you started working on your mum guilt:
Make a list of 10 things you appreciate about yourself and your parenting.
What are the current thoughts you’re thinking on default about your parenting day to day?
What are some new, positive thoughts you can think about your parenting based on question 1?
We’re all doing an amazing job and I would love us to spend more time talking about that and not about how we’re failing at everything.
It’s definitely going to take some practice but it will feel so much better than beating yourself up.
Answer the questions above and start practicing encouraging yourself as a mum every day. I know it will make a huge difference in your outlook and your parenting.
If you’re enjoying tools, like this, let’s explore coaching together. I offer a free 45 minute call for you to get a taster.
