Stop Feeling Guilty For Relaxing

A few years ago, we took a trip away to a sunnier city – my partner was working but I had some days off to myself.

I had grand plans to relax on this holiday and my first day was blissful – a long walk, a cold beer with lunch on the beach, a spa, reading all afternoon, but by the second day I was struggling … I’m used to setting goals and pursuing them and by day 2 I was finding it hard to relax.

I reached out to my coach at the time and she asked me a question that has really stuck with me since – “Do you plan to spend a significant amount of your life resting?”

“Um, yes,” was my immediate response.

Yet here I was on day two of my holiday sitting with uncomfortable feelings like boredom, guilt and restlessness.

Does this sound familiar to you? Mums I work with often struggle with this day to day. If so, here’s how to combat your phobia of relaxing:

Schedule relaxation time

A good type A personality trick right?!

I found, for example, when I had ‘nothing’ to do for a few hours on a weekend and the family was out without me, I felt quite guilty for lounging around. I think this was because none of it was very intentional and I hadn’t actually committed to my plan to do nothing – it was just happening by default.

So now, if I want to make solo plans, I do – brunch, walks with friends, shopping, all still fall into relaxation for me.

Or, if I have a few errands and chores to do, I schedule them for the morning, then schedule in an afternoon of reading my book, watching Netflix or scrolling social media with no time pressure.

It feels better for me to relax after having been productive, or to relax with other people rather than alone.

Sit with the uncomfortable feelings

As I mentioned, I do struggle with the feeling of boredom or, more specifically, not being sure what I feel like doing.

We run around so much in our lives – working hard, running to extra curricular activities, keeping our houses in order – and when we do feel any boredom a device is there to distract us immediately.

Sitting with hard feelings is something Brooke Castillo taught me and it’s really about realising there’s nothing to fear in any emotion.

Boredom to me might feel a bit icky and might make me a bit restless but I can handle that.

Given everything else I have going on, the feeling of boredom is a good thing to come up for me once in a while. 

You’re not living life on a points system

I absolutely love this concept (thanks Amy Young).

I’ve talked about it here on the blog before, but if we’re lucky enough, we’re always going to have a to do list, a bucket list and a bunch of cupboards that never stay cleaner longer than a week.

So when I have nothing to do, I can easily create something to do – but who is watching and who is going to pat me on the back for ticking these things off?

Life is much more interesting when lived with pleasure and enjoyment and compassion for ourselves, not when we’re churning through a to do list or adding to that list for the very sake of it.

I do plan to spend much of my life relaxing, and I’m ok with that. How about you?